the boy, his arm and the guilt.

the boy has been bouncing on the trampoline for years.  since he was a small chubby little guy.

 

he has always gone out there on his own and would just jump, up and down on his own for the longest time.  it has always been like he goes in a zone, time in his own head, scheming and imagining.  it would calm him, it has always been his go to when he got shooed outside.

well, yesterday was the day that came to an end, snap.
the boy broke his arm.

yes, it was bound to happen
yes, trampolines are an accident waiting to happen
no, there is not a net around it
yes, i am an awful mom

so now that we have gotten that out of the way.

it went down like this, the first day of summer break, the boy got shooed outside and off fortnite. jumping away he goes, and attempts the cardinal trampoline sin, a flip.  doesn’t land the flip and snap, just like a pencil snapping as he would describe it.

Clean break of both bones in his forearm.

where am i? work.
i get a picture message of the snapped S shaped arm, ummmm so gross!  i will spare you posting it here. gross, and not what you want to see pop up on your message from your kid.  him laying his head on the table with his S shaped arm = mild heart attack.

at that exact moment i was out and about running errands, not in my car i might add.  so i need to get back to work.

this is when it went by really fast.
I am: 
trying to pull over to try to talk to him
he is in route to the er
i am calling the ortho office
sending a picture of the insurance card
my boy is in pain and i am not able to get right to him.

by the time i get back to work and i can get to my car to make the 30 minute drive to the hospital, the boy is being numbed up and are ready to cast him.
so no point in me racing there, he is on his way home with a quarter pounder.

i finish up my work, head to drug mart to get him some necessities and head home.
i walk in the door, he comes right up to me before i am in and just hugs me.  he is a wreck!  my boy is so upset…queue the mom guilt, like a water pipe just burst and the mom guilt is shooting directly at me.  my boy is so stinking mad at himself for this injury.  he had big plans this summer.

The numbing is wearing off, he is in pain and he is beating himself up.
I am beating myself up
+
I have allowed the trampoline all these years
=

I am the worst mom in the world 

I wasn’t there when it happened, I wasn’t there to take him to the hospital, I wasn’t there to have him squeeze my hand when it hurt, I wasn’t there when they gave him the Novocaine shots, I wasn’t there when they showed the xray, I wasn’t there to tell him it was going to be ok, I wasn’t there when he picked his cast color, I wasn’t there when they casted it, I wasn’t there to make the follow up appointment, I wasn’t there to get him the quarter pounder meal after (that is probably a good thing).

yes, it is dangerous, honestly my whole back yard/home is a danger zone.
we have:
a climber set
an above ground pool
scooters
basketball hoop
bikes
slip and slides
sprinklers
pogo sticks
the list goes on and on.

Every single time they walk out that door to play, an accident can happen.  I cant switch my mindset to wrapping them in a bubble and sending them off, unless they are those fun bubble balls you slam into each other in!

Accidents are always going to happen, I just have to
pray
pray
pray
and have faith that they have been raised well enough to make decisions that can keep them safe as possible.  Yes, a flip on the trampoline is a dumb decision. the rule is no flips.  An accident happened, it could have been worse, it could have been better.  Either way I cant lock him up.  I want him to live, I want him to do his thing, get dirty, take risks (not crazy risks, but some risks) and he learned from this risk.  So I will take a broken bone and the lesson he learned.  I don’t have to punish him, he is doing that to himself.  A great lesson in choices, because he is going to be making choices for the rest of his years.

As for me, the guilt is going away, it wasn’t like he drove himself to the hospital, he was in good hands with his dad, who is calm, calm, calm in these situations.  There is a reason I wasn’t there, because I most likely would have yaked, cried and been a wreck.  That being said, the mom guilt is still strong and hopefully in 25 years, when they are grown and visiting me at my beach house, (because that is the only way I will get them to visit me) this will be a mom guilt story i will be crying tears of laughter from.

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