is it a burn out?

burn out!
holy shit! 
I think I am now recovering from a total burnout or hopefully recovered I should say.  
have you ever had a burn out? 
I don’t think it’s the Arianna Huffington one where I collapse and fall on the floor and wake up a new woman, but it is definitely something i am recognizing now that january is wrapping up. 
really, i am super happy to close the books on january. 
since november, life has been a complete blur for me.  I was pumped to spend five days at home followed up by my fave, the annual turkey bowl, black friday and then it ran into the weekend kicking off basketball season. i mean awesome right?  start with a carb lovers dream meal topped with gravy and ending with a post basketball game celebration (1-0 bitches) that when on until the early morning.  the problem is, the events never ended from there.  
when the December rolled around, i got sick, that knocked me out…hard. it then rolled into my ‘vacation’ time, lol, that is laughable, there was nothing vacation about it, that is why it is called mom pto, so different than just pto. I was so looking forward to my two full weeks off work and time to just relax.  i went into my list making self, my usual plan of how i am going to organize my life over the next 3 weeks, be prepared with presents wrapped under the tree and the picture perfect Norman Rockwell Christmas.  i promise you, that didnt happen.  did i ever tell you about my crazy high expectations?  between basketball games, kids activities, tryouts, I just got more and more overwhelmed. I spent a ginormoious chuck of time volunteering followed up by one event into the other.  I kept thinking today is going to be the day i can regroup and focus, and that day never came.  probably not helpful, but extremely fun, the December was parties and events and outings all that required me not only to celebrate a little more but spend a good good amount of money. 
I was so ready to get back to work and back into my routine.  as much as I say I want a home routine or work from home, that is not my reality so it was too hard for me to get into a routine over that break knowing it wasn’t something that was going to be sustained.
my workouts were off 
my eating was off
I was over drinking
I was over spending
I wasnt sleeping
I wasnt even showering some days! 
I am pretty sure this is where the January 1 melt down came into play. 
I am not one for self-pity, I have always felt push through, suck it up and move on.  i couldnt grasp why I couldn’t get out of this funk it was killing me the negativity, the fogginess of my brain, the overwhelming feeling of panic attacks from the tightness in my arm to the pain in my legs. everything was just overwhelming my whole being.

1/1 I woke up I knew something had changed. granted it was a new year and that’s always a time for me to go into my crazy expectations of a fresh start, I was going to take full advantage of that. the reality, it has taken me a solid 30 days to get to a point where I feel somewhat life like again and that turnaround just happened this morning.  
last night was the first night I slept well, I woke up feeling refreshed, I actually like felt like I was more alive when I looked in the mirror and all of the podcast and self-help book I have been walking around listening to and diving myself into for the past 30 days have made a shift in my thinking.  these days my ear buds are always in, my commutes are podcast filled and while at my desk I am listening to books.  in pick up lines in parking lots i am listening to anything I can get my brain wired to help me overcome the overwhelming craziness of November and December.
now that the book is closing on January and i couldnt be more thankful. the new month i am focused on change and instead of being anxious and overwhelmed and wanting to cry at the drop of a hat and just driving in my car crying,  I am rested. today, I felt like I wanted to get up and face the day, I almost felt like something shifted inside me, there was a spark today. this week coming up is one that I dreaded, and my thought had been, dread a doom, stay in bed and sleep through it, but the shift altered me to be ready to attack this week filled with work, kids school schedules, basketball tournaments, volleyball tournament basketball games, the gym and appointments I need to take care. earlier this week I was debating podcasting, just so i could vent and cry, but that feeling has escaped me, kathy & i still podcasted but about another subject, still  talking about tough stuff, but not all doomsday! 
thank you mind shift that happened between 10pm and 5am, I’m now ready to attack with caution so there is not a slippery slope that takes me down for 90 days again.

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